Slowing Down and Shifting Focus

Being back at my parents since May and now out of a job, I’m trying to help out as much as possible as our family continues a rather tumultuous medical rollercoaster ride admit Covid-19. Not something I thought would happen this year but what the fuck has? Despite the monumental dumpster fire of a year these 10 months have been, a lot of perspective has been gained. Some of it not so pleasant but I prefer to reserve those thoughts for my notebook rather than have a breakdown on the Internet about them. Who knows though, maybe next week I’ll finally crack! Stay tuned 😉

Getting to the point, I’ve found myself increasingly incapable of a number of things that would otherwise seamlessly integrate my daily routine. Notably being on my phone and on social media. At the minute, the thought of chucking my phone in Lake Ontario is quite tempting. However, the Beaches are full of people and I’m trying to avoid actively putting myself in crowded and irritating situations. Thus, I’m opting to simply remove all social media apps from my phone until I’m able to see people hugging and smiling without masks and be happy for them. It’s not you Instagram, it’s me.

My point with all of this is that circumstances required a shift in focus, a slowing down of momentum, an honest assessment of what is manageable. Understanding what it is I think I should be doing and what I am capable of doing within my current context and mindset. Silly as it may be, setting more realistic expectations allows me to get out of bed and maintain a routine.

countryside slowing down

To give you an idea of what I mean by realistic expectations, this is what I had on my To Do List at the end of May :

  • Apply to 15 new jobs
  • Rewrite CV etc.
  • Finish all HTML module
  • Start first CSS module
  • Make 10 small bowls – black clay
  • Make 10 small bowls – white clay
  • Do 30 minutes of exercise
  • Write 15 posts by the end of the year

And this is what’s on it this week:

  • Finish 1 ball of yarn – knitting
  • Sort through nails and screws
  • Change bedside glass
  • Stack photo albums in living room properly
  • Do 10 minutes of exercise
  • Take picture of sweater to show fam
  • Reply to friend
canadian countryside
slowing down in the countryside

I absolutely intend on completing all the things I set out to do in May. However, some days, if all I manage is to put a jacket and pants, walk around the block and admire the leaves changing colours, then that’s already something. And, it’s something I can build from: here is where I want to be and here is where I am now. The two have a ways away between them for the moment, but that’s ok.

Funny how nice it is to write your thoughts down! In the end, my takeaway is that sometimes you can be the hare and other times the tortoise. Still, in both cases you can make it across the finish line. For now, I’m embracing the tortoise rhythm and stopping to smell the flowers along my way.